Readings:
Gen 2:18-24; Heb 2:9-11; Mk 10:2-16.
Christian
marriage is also known has “Holy Matrimony”. Holy matrimony in Christendom is
not just an event of socio-cultural or an anthropological occurrence. It goes
beyond pedagogical approaches. According to “matrimonii sacramentum”, a section of “Unitatis redintegratio” in one of the constitutions of the Catholic
Church (Vatican II): “The sacrament of matrimony was established by Christ as a
symbol of his own union with the Church, to give full scope to its sacred power
and to enable it truly to become for husband and wife a great mystery”. This
has been also affirmed by St Paul in his letter to the Ephesians 5:32 and also
in the book of Genesis 2:18-24.
The
content of the gospel of Mark 2-12 throws more heavenly elucidation on the
above: That a man alone is not
complete. As such God said; “it is not good for man to be alone. I will make a
helper suited to him’” (Gen 2:18). Thus, a man (husband) only becomes complete when
he is joined in mutual love with a woman (wife). And the bond that joins them
must be beyond physical appearances and that of material possessions. What must
unite them ought to be agape love, and agape love is a selfless love. It is a
love that is not just about emotivism, in Holy Matrimony it is more than that.
It is a lifelong decision to stick it out together through thick and thin, for
better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until
death.
The above points must be borne in our minds
always whenever we discuss the holy institution called marriage. Our
Blessed Lord Jesus has already called our attention to the original plan of the
divine law about marriage: The book of Genesis Gen 2:18-24 shows the institution, purpose and the
intention of God on marriage. God our father instituted it, for the purpose of
companionship between a man and a woman and His intention was monogamy for this
institution.
Unfortunately, down the ages the world in deed
has witness events on overthrow of this divine law by human beings. Every day
we hear cases of divorce and abuses against the sanctity of holy matrimony. All
these are contrary to the divine law. Today, besides divorce and abuses
in marriage, human beings have now remedied in the quest of ‘partners’ in the
same-sex and in animals. This is deceitful and ungodly. We have turned down the divine purpose of holy
matrimony into Satanism. Instead of a MAN to a WOMAN, some of us have preferred
it to be a MAN to a MAN, or a WOMAN to a WOMAN, or WOMAN to a DOG or MAN to a doll,
etc. The above beyond reasonable doubts is ungodly and sinful.
Nonetheless, among the Ancient Israelites, the notion
of divorce in Holy Matrimony was never among their religious tenet. This was so
for them because Moses allowed them to divorce for something official, although
it was originally just a spontaneous compromise. This we must put in mind also;
that it intended only to suit just a particular circumstance and never to be a
“Divine Law”.
This we see when our Blessed Lord made it clear
in the Gospel of Mk 10:2-16. Jesus had made it clear in
connection to the “Divine Law”, that what had been created two has no more
become two due to the efficacy of the sacrament of the holy matrimony; but “one
body”, always in harmony and never in opposition.
In
holy matrimony therefore, couples must give themselves totally has they are to
each other and not has the world thinks. John F. Kennedy says: “Ask not what
your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country”. We too can
apply it to married couples: “Ask not what the other partner can do for you,
but what you can do for your partner”. Only when this attitude is changed, can
decisions be made more wisely and divinely. Married couples must work with an
altruistic frame of mind. They should consider first what is best for them has
a whole (family), no matter how it may affect one’s personal interests. When
decisions on marital disputes are to be taken, it must be carefully followed.
It must be tactfully guide by keeping the right direction so that the decisions
arrived at will be constructive and divinely objective.
By
so doing, Christian couples will be able to get over the disagreements among
themselves and continue to find a harmonious relationship with each other. By
so doing Christian marriage has it has always been will continue to be an
outstanding example to many other sects on the rages of divorce.
In
holy matrimony, no matter how tough a marital issue may be; the Church down the
ages and up-to-date has never preached “DIVORCE”. The Church has continued to
advocate mutual understanding and forgiveness. This we have seen even when King
Henry VIII wanted to divorce his wife, yet the Church stood strong in obeying
the “Divine Law” rather than the selfish desires of men.
Marriage
couples are been catechized today to live in good relationship in spite of any
disagreements which may appear to be odious or nasty. This brings to mind about
the high rate of divorce even among Christians in the recent times. Our Blessed Lord Jesus has made it clear that
what God has join in Holy Matrimony, nothing should put asunder.
The
more important the consequences of a decision, the more important it is to
involve the people concerned in the decision. The pros and cons of disputes
among married couples should be written down among themselves and solutions are
to be consulted accordingly. Where there are disputes, married couples must try
to clarify what they need to do in order to help them has a team. This hence
amidst the disputes among married couples, there are essential question they
ought to be asking themselves: Who are we? Where are we? What are the limits
within which we must work? What and who brought us together? What actually is
our problem? What is the source of our disputes? What do we need to do to carry
out a good decision on disputes? Who will do what, when, where and how? How can
we resolve the issue? How sensitive and responsive are we to the feelings of
others? What suggestion, or combination of suggestions, can we choose from
third party if necessary? Until married couples recognize its actual present
situation by gathering the above data about their disputes, any attempt to
suggest a goal or some goals is premature.
Unity,
commitment and energy grow strikingly in a family when there are clear
objective goals which all believe in. Very often when a family complains of
diversion, the root of the problem is an unspoken disagreement on goals. Thus,
from time to time married couples ought to stop, make a progress report: Where
are we now? Where are we in the progress of settling all the problems? And are
we going in the right direction? How far have we getting it? Do we need to
change our goals or our procedures? Many married couples have failed to reach
its goals because it assumed that either of the two parties knows what is
happening when actually confusion reigned.
If
marital disputes are spotted early, efforts should be made to eliminate it. It
is important that married couples should approach disputes thoroughly in
advance so that a far-sighted decision can be made. Married couples must be aware that the dangers posed by the
breakdown of marriage are really hazardous to them has individuals, their children,
families and the world at large. The Church in no way has ever
encouraged abuses in holy matrimony; therefore we all are called upon to
journey with those who are passing through difficulties in their marriage.
Marriage should be seen as a gift from God to two imperfect beings who live
together to perfect one another, accepting one another with their
vulnerabilities is the key. We therefore ought to pray for them, we ought
to encourage them to be more forgiving, tolerable, patient and above all prayerful.
More so, we should counsel and advice them godly, that is when necessary.
This notwithstanding, a diocesan marriage
tribunal can grant the right of separation any couple for stipulated number of
years or even permanently. In some cases of proven incompatibility, the Church
has to declare it null and void and dissolve the marriage contract if all means
of reconciliation had proved abortive beyond reasonable doubts.
More
so, if the decision which was taken by the couples themselves happens not to be
working effectively, it is important to change another at the second go and so
on until a better approach has clicked. Many married couples have made the
wrong decisions because they do not understand the problem of their marital
disputes essentially. Married couples
must first organize the facts before they get into any decision. The more
complicated the issue, the more time and effort should be spent in collecting
all the related strategies. Studying the reasons for marital disputes often
provides the key to mutual forgiveness and reconstruction.
Nonetheless,
if married couples are to function healthily for a long effective time, it is
important that there be a regular feedback within it. It is very important for
each couple to receive information about the other spouse has reacted to the
other behaviors in a particular time and space. We can profit from feedback if
we listen carefully to the feelings expressed and do not try to defend your
behaviors or give reason about why you acted in a particular manner. If you
keep on giving reasons and justifications for your behaviors; you will run the
danger of freezing all feedback in the future. Moreover, it is vital that an
atmosphere of trust and mutual appreciation be established when feedback is
given.
By:
Ibrahim Ujulu Medugu.
PRAYER:
Today we pray especially for married couples in disputes and chaos; that may
they learn from the example of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph. That
admits their disputes, may the Holy Spirit advocate their circumstances in
mutual forgiveness and love through Christ our Lord. Amen
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